It’s a cliche because it’s true

I’ve got a pretty good life, I must say. There are things I’d like to change, but none of my goals seems impossible. I have a husband I adore, great friends, and I’m starting to finally meet people in Houston.

Nevertheless, I’m feeling reflective. I’m 28, so my biological is starting to tick. I want a house and kids. I want work/life balance. I want to be a better person. I want to be able to take care of my mom when she is no longer able to take care of herself. I don’t want (o settle for a life that is just “good enough”; I want to CHOOSE my life rather than just reacting to it.

In order to do all these things, I have to let go of some things that do not serve my purposes. And in reevaluating my path I’ve come to realize that a lot of the advice and sayings my parents used all. the. time. when I was growing up are true as hell. For example:

  1. Birds of a feather, flock together. If you are the only person in your circle of friends who prioritizes fitness, education, religion, or whatever–it’s far more likely that they will influence you than the other way around. It doesn’t even have to be peer pressure, but the subconscious knowledge that you can do less of what you claim to be about, and not be judged will make you start slipping.
  2. Actions speak louder than words. This a one sentence sermon! Don’t believe what people tell you unless their actions match! To be nice or avoid conflict, folks will say a whole lot of things…and then not follow through.
  3. Knowledge is power. This can cut two ways, the first being that looks fade but education is forever. The second is that information is currency so- DON’T TELL EVERYONE YOUR BUSINESS. S–t.
  4. It’s not what you know, it’s who you know. All the hard work and dedication in the world won’t help you if you don’t know the person who can get you that raise, promotion, new job, etc.
  5. Treat others the way you want to be treated/You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. It doesn’t hurt you to be nice to anyone and you never know when a favor will pay itself back threefold. Conversely, keep treating folks any old way and it will catch up to you. God don’t like ugly.
  6. It’s not what you’re called, it’s what you answer to.  You have to live with yourself forever. That’s a long time. Get comfortable with yourself. Because if you don’t? You will define yourself by the labels that other people assign to you. You can’t teach folks how to treat you if you don’t know who you are.

The list goes on… but suffice it to say, parents are always right.*

 

<small>*Don’t tell my dad that, lol. Happy Father’s Day!</small>

Dear Target

Dear Target,

Despite being a retailer that prides itself on stylishly being all things to all people, your plus size market has been grossly ignored. The plus size section is relegated to 2 or 3 racks at the far end of women’s apparel, and is often mixed in with maternity. While the emergence of the Ava & Viv line, designed in collaboration with several notable fashion bloggers, was supposed to provide a fresh face, nothing changed. The most fashionable items (which were little more than colorful basics) were offered in that initial launch, and everything since then has been absolutely pitiful. At my local Target, the plus line is updated with 5-7 new pieces per season. Invariably, half of them are black or white.

Meanwhile, a quick perusal of Target.com shows a substantial collection of plus items in Target’s proprietary Merona and Mossimo lines, many of which are equivalent to the plus size lines…and none of which make it to my local Target stores, with the exception of solid color tees, cardigans, and basic slacks. The demand for fashionable plus size clothing clearly exists, as evidenced by the fact that the Lilly Pulitzer collection sold out in mere hours.

So, you’ve tried it again in a collection with Who What Wear and you’re finally doing some things right. The collaboration is a long term one and includes plus sizes. Perhaps most importantly, almost every item in the straight size line was provided in plus, in at least 2 color/pattern options.  Aesthetically, the offerings are a HUGE leap forward from Ava & Viv.

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This dress was the one thing I knew I had to have!

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I’m not a leather jacket kind of girl, but I love having the option to become one.

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Polka dots are always in style for me.

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Finally, modern styling for plus sizes. I bought the boyfriend jeans.

However, there’s still room for improvement. The Who What Wear line was only available in a limited selection of stores, and only a few of those stores carried the plus line. As stated above, some of the items were not available plus.  For example, a longline blazer in blush pink and an olive green  sweater dress that I would have purchased if I had the option. Additionally, the logistics were off. The collection was stated to go live on January 31, but I couldn’t add anything to my cart until about 12:30 pm CST (and I only got to the plus size items by searching the Target website, because they weren’t up on the splash page). But the Target twitter account said the plus size items wouldn’t be available until February 1–with the likely result that some shoppers missed out entirely. Last but not least, Who What Wear is dissociating itself from the plus items. They link to the Target collection on their website, but only provide links for the straight size items. It’s kind of hard to send  a message that all your customers matter when your collaborator doesn’t acknowledge half of them.

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Love this dress, but couldn’t buy it.

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This would go great with some of my dresses if it were available in my size.

Target didn’t knock it out of the park, but it finally has a plus size collection that is comparable to Forever 21, H&M, ASOS, and others. It remains to be seen whether the progress will continue, or if this is just another means of placating the masses without really solving the problem.

 

 

5 Favorites for 2016

Happy New Year! I’m kicking off another year on the blog with 5 things that I’m loving right now.

Jazmine Sullivan, “Reality Show”

      This album dropped at the  beginning of the year. I live my life on shuffle so it took until this summer for me to listen to the album as a whole, but it’s been on repeat ever since. My absolute favorite song on the album is “Let It Burn”. It samples an old Babyface-produced track which feels like a long lost Debarge track.  

These boots from Target.

target shearling boots

 

    It’s cold as crap outside! Accuweather is telling me that I’m lucky, but 50 degrees feels stupid cold when you spend 9 months out of the year at 85 degrees and up. Not to mention that the office a/c apparently runs year round. I’m going to be wearing these bad boys out for the next 8 weeks!*😀

Mozart in the Jungle

I finally broke down and got an Amaz.on Pr.ime subscription. I knew it would pay for itself in Kin.dle books alone, but since all my regular shows are on winter hiatus, I had time to try out a new show. Mozart is actually really good! It’s a nice, light, 30 minute comedy. And having spent about 10 years in the orchestra, it’s nice to hear classical music and enjoy all the quirky musicians’ shenanigans. Check it out here.

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The Awkward Yeti web comics

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Somebody shared a collection of these on Facebook and I’m hooked. They’re super cute and the misadventures of Heart and Brain just speak to my life.

Tazo Gingerly Jasmine Tea

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Hubs got me a kettle for Christmas, which is enabling my new tea habit. I love green tea but this flavor from Tazo is wonderful. The flavor of the tea mixed with ginger, jasmine and rose petals has just the right balance of floral, earthy and spicy notes. Mixed with a couple teaspoons of local Texas honey, there’s no better way to unwind after a hard day at work.

 

 

*ICYMI, Houston has 3 months of winter, 3 months of spring, and 6 months of hell.

 

Trayvon, Eric, Mike, et al : Where do we go from here?

2014-15 was when Millenials collectively figured out that white people are still racist, the political system is rigged, and the justice system is crooked af. So what are we going to do about it?

If you were to compile a list of victims of police violence, and only include those who got media coverage, you’d still come up with a list as long (or longer!) than Bi.ll C.osby’s so-called groupies.*

There’s a lot of protests and social media buzz, and I’m not mad at that. Times have changed, the media and the way we consume media have changed. Our civil rights movement is not going to look like that of yesteryear. However…I think my generation risks throwing out the baby with the bathwater. We still need to vote, attend city council meetings, write to our representatives, and volunteer with the youth so that they know this stuff matters too. And before you say “politics doesn’t work, we’ve tried it” have we really? Only about 1/3 of the eligible voting population turns out for PRESIDENTIAL elections.

The truth is, citizens have much more power at the state and local level than federal. The President controls the army and foreign policy. Congress passes a lot of laws, but how much it affects you depends on how much you’re bothered by other people’s ability to marry the same sex or get an abortion. But state and local government basically run your life. Sales tax? Local/state government. Property tax? Local government. School district zoning? Local government. Police reform? Local government. See where I’m going with this?

You can only get so far with raising awareness. At some point, you’ve got to give people a job to do. The Black Friday boycotts are a great start, but that only happens once a year. And as much as I enjoy supporting black business year round, there’s not a black owned, non-chain grocery store or drug store where I live so Kroger and CVS are going to continue to get my dollars. I also think that we need to think multiculturally. The NAACP can’t do everything (and haven’t been doing much of anything lately). What about the Urban League, the ACLU, the National Action Network and the Anti-Defamation League? Traditional political processes are slow and bureaucratic, and we want instant results. But policy doesn’t happen overnight. And you get things done a lot faster when you can bring a coalition together to accomplish a single goal.

 

 

 

 

 

*I was being cute but don’t get it twisted, I know he’s a r.apist.

What does a wife look like?

Sometimes when people find out that I’m married, they say things like “You don’t seem like you’d be married” or “I never would have guessed you have a husband”. I laugh it off but can’t help but wonder- what do they think a wife is supposed to look like? I assume a great deal of it has to with my age. If I’m not in my lawyer suit, I get mistaken for someone up to 10 years younger (thanks for the great genes, Mom!). Anyways, it got me thinking about people’s opinions on marriage in general. I believe that marriage isn’t for everyone. But at the same time, marriage gets a bad rap. In 2015, people still seem to think that marriage has to look like June and Ward Cleaver. Why?

I’ve been married two years, and I’m still the same person. Have my priorities changed? Of course. Tex is my husband, and spending time with him is non-negotiable for me. But that does’t mean I gave up everything that didn’t revolve around him. Because we met in college and most of our circle consists of friends who know us both, we usually socialize as a couple. But that doesn’t mean I spend the whole night cuddling him in the corner (although I’m not ashamed to grab a hug and a quick smooch when I feel like it). When he wants to hang at the bar with his homeboys, I’m cool with it. I take advantage of having the apartment to myself and watch the reality shows he hates, give myself a pedicure, or just enjoy the silence and a good book. Unfortunately I don’t have any girlfriends who live less than an hour away from me, but I still keep in touch. Tex is my rock but he can’t be my entire life.

We just do what works for us. A woman in my building was scandalized by the fact that I don’t always wear my wedding band. Neither does Tex. It’s not a diss- I love my rings. But I’ve never been much into jewelry and I work in a really small office where everyone knows I’m married. If I have to fend off a random guy at the grocery store from time to time, so be it. WE know we’re married and a piece of metal doesn’t affect our commitment level. I knew he was the one years before he put a ring on it; that just made it official to the rest of the world. We do our own thing. He does most of the house cleaning; I do the cooking and manage the finances. lt works and if it stops working, we’ll figure it out.

Marriage isn’t a death sentence. I enjoy being a wife as much as I enjoy being a sister, a friend, an attorney. It’s another part of my life. And it can look like whatever I want it to.