New Lang Syne


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I really need to stop worrying so much.

It never fails. Just when I’ve hit rock bottom and gotten to my most anxious and finally decide that instead of making myself sick, I’ll just let God do His thing, something amazing happens. In this case, I got a second tutoring client and MY HUSBAND GOT A JOB! I’m excited but it also doesn’t seem real yet. I’m so glad for him though. Unlike me, he’s know since he was young what he wanted to do, and he’s passionate about only a handful of things. There are easily a dozen different things that I get excited about, so even though I’m underemployed I still have many other things to console me. Plus, since I haven’t yet taken the bar I know I can’t do what I want to do right this second. He had no such limitation, which I’m sure made it even harder that nobody would give him a chance. But he finally got it! I remember praying for the Lord’s favor over his interview (thanks to Joel Osteen’s sermon about being favor-minded). I always pray that he performs well in the interview, but I think I was praying for the wrong thing. God’s favor will cover you regardless of whether you make a mistake.

I’ve decided that I need to get serious about my total well being in 2014. I don’t want to call it a resolution because that’s too often associated with thought, not action. I’m making a firm commitment to myself to be as conscientious about my physical and spiritual health as I am about my emotional and mental health. I’m always trying to learn, absorbing new ideas and nurturing positive relationships. However, the other part of my life is out of whack. I’m not as fit as I could be, and God and I can be more like long lost childhood friends than BFFs. Only I can change that, though, and it starts from the inside. I’ve started a reading plan on my Bible app to get back into the Word, gotten a gym membership with Tex (we want to get fit together!), and will be dipping my toe into clean eating with a 21 day challenge. I’m excited, a little bit nervous, but I’m ready. 2014, hear I come!

 

 

Something Old, Something New

I’M MARRIED!!!!!!!

 

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The big kiss

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The cake was beautiful AND delicious!

 

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I’m not much for flowers but I looooved this bouquet.

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A good luck kiss from mommy

 

The wedding was fantastic. Everything went off without a hitch.¬† My dad owns a car service, so I had a driver to take¬† me & the bridesmaids from our hotel room to the venue. It was quite the VIP experience! My hair & makeup were just what I wanted–glamorous with a nod to the classic but still unmistakably me. Almost all of my closest friends were there, and true to her word Maya made the trip down from NYC. We had so much fun! I will remember it forever. Not to mention that my dad and my father-in-law are becoming fast friends. I think they found a kindred spirit with whom they could a) brag or complain about their children and b) share deep thoughts about being black male professionals. It’s nothing short of hilarious!

My life is completely changed now, and not just because I’m married. The fact is that mere weeks after I graduated and moved in with Tex, he got laid off. We made it through the end of the summer with our savings, help from his parents and his unemployment. But in three months, nothing had panned out for either of us as far as salaried work so we decided the smart thing to do would be to move back to Houston with his parents, and save the rest of his unemployment money until we got back on our feet. I’m not going to lie, part of me felt defeated. We did all the right things and seemingly none of them mattered. But now I’m feeling hopeful again. Tex has some more job leads and I have some things in the works too. It looks like we’re going to make it.

Life in Texas is pretty good, aside from the heat. Fortunately we only have a few more weeks of oppressive summer weather before things cool off for a while, and hopefully by this time next year I’ll be acclimated to it. My mother-in-law is a faithful exerciser, which is motivating me to strive for the same. I’ve inherited Tex’s friends so I do have a small social life, and I’m looking to get back into music by joining a community orchestra soon. I miss my viola, and playing in concert–the way that every player brings the song to life and you’re surrounded by music. It’s even cooler to play the harmony to me, because often my part makes no sense on its own. It taught me how to listen to what under and behind the melody and appreciate that in music, as in life, it is sometimes the random or subtle contributions that make a huge difference.

I certainly miss being down the street from my siblings, but homesickness hasn’t really kicked in. I feel refreshed here, like there’s no limits on my life. I have no history here so anything is possible. I would say I’m surprised that I like it so much but the truth is, I’ve been feeling stifled in Atlanta for a long time. My family and some of closest friends are there but aside from that, I was just bored and frustrated. Atlanta is beautiful and unique in that it is truly an integrated city; despite the lingering legacy of slavery black people can and do run sh*t. It’s not hard to find a black lawyer, doctor, or politician. We’re at the top, the bottom and the middle class. But still, there’s no unity of purpose and socially, people can be very calculating. It’s all about status. The Old Boys Club has nothing on the exclusivity of some of my black educated peers. To sum it up: in a general sense, I’ve never felt like I belonged in Atlanta. I always felt like I was on the outside looking in.

Everything happens for a reason, and I’m okay with my current circumstances because deep down in my spirit I know that God is moving. Maybe He knew that in order to keep us from falling into complacency and a life lived by default, He’d have to throw all our plans into disarray. I’ve just got to let Him work, and be faithful. Right now we’re 25 with no kids and no mortgage, nothing to keep us from uprooting our lives at a moment’s notice, so I choose to consider it an adventure. I think we’re where we need to be, and because of that, we’ll be okay.